Is it more important to be liked, or respected?

You don’t need to be liked to be respected, but being respected first increases your chances of being liked later...

Communication Coaching with AC Architects, in Scotland

If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing. - Margaret Thatcher

At 3 am on 14th June 2019, I gave up alcohol.

Over three years later I’m proud to say that I have not had a single drop since. I haven’t given in to the peer pressure from my friends, family, and our alcohol culture, even though it's prominent.

I go to bed relatively early, I don’t go to pubs, I don’t stay late at parties, I don’t get drunk with my friends, and I don’t lose days to hangovers and sickness.

Have I missed out on some experiences? Do people miss me in these situations? Have I let people down? Have I lost some friends? Have I grown apart from others? Do some people not like me as much anymore?

Yes, all of these things are true.

I’m not looking for a pat on the back, but it’s interesting to understand how I’ve tackled this.

I have been able to remain sober because I’m clear on my purpose, and what I want for myself, and I’m not willing to let other people or influences carry me away from my own values and principles.

The daily decision to not drink comes back to the respect I have for myself.

If I want people to like me, all I have to do is one simple thing…

Take a drink.

Earlier this year, on my three-year anniversary, a close friend said to me “I’m now starting to understand and respect your sobriety.”

If you want to earn the respect of others, you have to respect yourself first — if you don’t, how can you expect others to ever respect you?

And so, should we strive to be liked, or to earn respect?